Back - but what does it all mean?

I'm back to blogging, after a frightfully long hiatus. There's lots to tell, but let's start with a language lesson. A colleague and I joined two Chinese teachers and a local guide on a trip to Qufu, which is the birthplace of Confucius, and Taishan, which is one of China's five most famous mountains. In addition to our Chinese immersion, however, we also tested our English with these translated signs. Let's see how you do...

1) In a (slightly smelly) public restroom. English text: Sweet memories go with you and clean environment leaves behind.

Chinese text - proper translation: Leave a beautiful environment, leave a beautiful memory.
What did they really mean? Please be neat!

2) In our hotel guest guide. English text: Respect guest hello, the guesthouse enters you in the room has electric heatingcanteen, Please directly receives in the basin tap the running water,after boils Then drinks uses.
Chinese text - proper translation: Greetings Respected Guest. There is an electric hot water pot in your room. Please boil the tap water before drinking.
What did they really mean? It takes 5000 years of civilization to learn how to use a tea kettle.

3) On the light switch above the night table in our hotel. English text: Bedside shoots the lamp.
Chinese text - proper translation: Bed head shoots the lamp.
What did they really mean? Since you are an American, we have booked you into our "Wild West" room. Please enjoy the violence. Tee hee.

4) Hotel night table. English text: For your safety, please keep chsh and valuable goods in head stage.
Chinese text - proper translation: For your safety, please leave cash and valuables at the front desk for safe keeping.

5) In hotel bathroom. English text: Please use slippery.
Chinese text - proper translation: Please take anti-slip precautions.
What did they really mean? This is the most dangerous bathroom ever. Because this is an old state run hotel in a provincial capital, it is not well kept and the bathroom floor is never dry.